Through people’s trial-and-error in trying to express how much they love me;  friends, family & ex-boyfriends alike (God bless their well-meaning hearts), I have come to study a few things that myself and other ENFJs perceive as love. Whatever your personality type, your love tank can be filled and through seeking knowledge & understanding you can also fill the love tank of those you have chosen to be a part of your life. Consistent effort is a realistic expectation. Only God can love perfectly. From human beings, hits & misses are inevitable and it is OK to sometimes  be in a place of , “ Thank you, it is the thought that counts” and meditate on their intentions instead of the present outcome.

However, i hope that after going through the tips below, you will see the opportunities of how you and your  ENFJ can grow closer. All the best!

(Check out my previous  blog post -HOW TO SHOW LOVE TO YOUR ENFJ Part 1- to see my  first two tips)

4. BE PATIENT WITH GIVING DETAILS: ENFJs like to know the how, why, when & use strict values & principles to bring order/control (i promise it sounds more hectic than it really is). An ENFJ’s natural talent is to harmonize people, tasks and places. So dear friend, it hurts our brain when there is a missing piece of information; it disrupts our entire goal of harmony. When things get so disorganized and people don’t know what to do and no authority is insight to bring order, and ENFJ will see no option but to take charge or completely withdraw themselves from the situation. That place screams conflict and disaster for an ENFJ. Sorry, we are not the most flexible people in this area and are the same when it comes to developing new relationships. We want clarity because we need to know which mental box to place the information in so that we can best know how to adjust and maintain harmony. Unfortunately, we often come across as impatient when we ‘demand’ this information. Please be patient. When it comes to relationships, we don’t want to leave anything to chance. How we both fit into each other’s worlds is very  important to us. Remind your ENFJ to also trust the process, and that no one can have full view & be in control of everything!

5. REMIND THEM TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES. I read an article once written by another ENFJ female the other day, and she wrote about how she simply finds shopping for herself boring. On this subject nothing could be closer to the truth. We think outward, we do outward. Remind us, to pause and ask ourselves what we need & want. Do not let us get away with “making you happy, makes us happy”, well it does, but don’t let us get away with it, that’s letting us get away with murder. It is not that we do not value ourselves, so simply remind us of what we already believe but often find difficult to execute. Even if it means dragging us to a mall to get a new pair of shoes, do it.LOL.  If you want to be your ENFJ’s hero/shero ask them often what their ‘big why’ for doing what their currently busy with is, it will help them confront neglecting their own goals in pursuit of helping others and avoid losing focus of their own goals.

6. BE UNDERSTANDING OF THEIR SUDDEN SOCIAL INAPPROPRIATENESS. If you are an ENFJ yourself ,you probably have had times where people marveled at your words in a social setting.We sometimes  lack clear judgment on what is inappropriate to say to our boss or in cultural settings for example. Luckily, an ENFJ typically moves on quickly, so embarrassing moments are soon things of the past. If you want to be that good friend, laugh it out. Get over your shock, then deal with them with understanding. Even when they just asked their boss why she does not shave off her facial hair. Yup! LOL. Don’t criticize them. Also remember that it is the same rawness that helps people open up to your ENFJ. By the way, get used to us oversharing in attempt to help people with whatever we think they need to hear.

You are welcome!

Thank you for loving us anyway. If we make it a goal to imitate God through the help of The Holy Spirit to love beyond what we feel, with grace and  understanding, we stand a better chance of having successful fulfilling Relationships. His way is the best way. #BeYou!   #TheEpicChristianLife  #OucheaWithZibah

 

 

Congratulations! When it comes to having an ENFJ anything, friend or lover, consider yourself blessed out of your socks! Both ENFJ female & male define themselves by the closeness & authenticity of their relationships. Their intense feeling intuition is expressed outwardly (extroversion) with utmost genuineness and a deep desire to get to know you better.  They love love. Like i said, congratulations.

If you have no clue, or suspect that  your ‘target’ is an ENFJ, take this Meyer Briggs’s 16 personality test to find out now. https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Everyone has a love language, and while constantly  failing to fill  your ENFJ’s love tank (or any personality type’s for that matter) maybe forgivable in the beginning , it unfortunately  does not serve the person, no matter how ‘sincerely  wrong’ you feel you were (sorry). Over time this will create resentment and feelings of not being appreciated. Instead, getting to really know them & acting uniquely towards them gets the job done.  It is God’s desire that we prosper in all areas including the area of our relationships. “Beloved, I pray you to prosper concerning all things and to be in good health, just as your soul prospers.” 3 John 1:2.  Therefore, the Holy Spirit is more than willing to guide you in growing meaningful connections (and heal you from past hurts that may be keeping you from giving the intimacy required to receive love, as He has done for me).

Yey! I am excited that you are reading this! Let’s hope that after going through the tips below, you will see opportunities of how you and your  ENFJ can grow closer. All the best!

1. USE WORDS OF AFFIRMATION. ENFJs love words. Not just any words. Words that express how much we add to your life.  A guy I dated in the past once said to me, “Zibah, I don’t know how I could have made it through deciding which career path to take, had it not been for you in my life”.  Those words are as golden as the day they were said!  An ENFJ will appreciate a hand written birthday card/letter more than the gift that comes with it, random appreciation texts and sticky note messages. So, if you want to buy a gift for an ENFJ friend or partner, just remember to also use words. That my friend , is the highlight of your presentation.

2. AVOID CRITICISM. Yes Susan, everyone dislikes negative criticism, however an ENFJ will often take it as a personal attack. Your ENFJ will never stop being sensitive to criticism. So, NO, it’s not your calling to make them ‘develop a thick skin’. Avoid describing them, but do give feedback to their bad behavior in a subjective manner, a healthy ENFJ  will always do the same for you. If you must give feedback/ correct a wrong, please reassure them that you know it is not part of who they truly are, and that you can see their good intentions (we often need to hear this). Avoid phrases  like ‘OMG, you are so defensive’. To an ENFJ, this does not separate who they are from what they did. Focus on the behavior vs. describing them.

Check out my next blog post- HOW TO LOVE YOUR ENFJ Part 2- to see my next three other tips on how to give love in a way an ENFJ will appreciate.

If we make it a goal to imitate God through the help of The Holy Spirit, to love beyond what we feel, with grace and  understanding, we stand a better chance of having successful fulfilling relationships. His way is the best way. #BeYou!   #TheEpicChristianLife  #OucheaWithZibah