HOW TO SHOW LOVE TO YOUR ENFJ – Part 2

Through people’s trial-and-error in trying to express how much they love me;  friends, family & ex-boyfriends alike (God bless their well-meaning hearts), I have come to study a few things that myself and other ENFJs perceive as love. Whatever your personality type, your love tank can be filled and through seeking knowledge & understanding you can also fill the love tank of those you have chosen to be a part of your life. Consistent effort is a realistic expectation. Only God can love perfectly. From human beings, hits & misses are inevitable and it is OK to sometimes  be in a place of , “ Thank you, it is the thought that counts” and meditate on their intentions instead of the present outcome.

However, i hope that after going through the tips below, you will see the opportunities of how you and your  ENFJ can grow closer. All the best!

(Check out my previous  blog post -HOW TO SHOW LOVE TO YOUR ENFJ Part 1- to see my  first two tips)

4. BE PATIENT WITH GIVING DETAILS: ENFJs like to know the how, why, when & use strict values & principles to bring order/control (i promise it sounds more hectic than it really is). An ENFJ’s natural talent is to harmonize people, tasks and places. So dear friend, it hurts our brain when there is a missing piece of information; it disrupts our entire goal of harmony. When things get so disorganized and people don’t know what to do and no authority is insight to bring order, and ENFJ will see no option but to take charge or completely withdraw themselves from the situation. That place screams conflict and disaster for an ENFJ. Sorry, we are not the most flexible people in this area and are the same when it comes to developing new relationships. We want clarity because we need to know which mental box to place the information in so that we can best know how to adjust and maintain harmony. Unfortunately, we often come across as impatient when we ‘demand’ this information. Please be patient. When it comes to relationships, we don’t want to leave anything to chance. How we both fit into each other’s worlds is very  important to us. Remind your ENFJ to also trust the process, and that no one can have full view & be in control of everything!

5. REMIND THEM TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES. I read an article once written by another ENFJ female the other day, and she wrote about how she simply finds shopping for herself boring. On this subject nothing could be closer to the truth. We think outward, we do outward. Remind us, to pause and ask ourselves what we need & want. Do not let us get away with “making you happy, makes us happy”, well it does, but don’t let us get away with it, that’s letting us get away with murder. It is not that we do not value ourselves, so simply remind us of what we already believe but often find difficult to execute. Even if it means dragging us to a mall to get a new pair of shoes, do it.LOL.  If you want to be your ENFJ’s hero/shero ask them often what their ‘big why’ for doing what their currently busy with is, it will help them confront neglecting their own goals in pursuit of helping others and avoid losing focus of their own goals.

6. BE UNDERSTANDING OF THEIR SUDDEN SOCIAL INAPPROPRIATENESS. If you are an ENFJ yourself ,you probably have had times where people marveled at your words in a social setting.We sometimes  lack clear judgment on what is inappropriate to say to our boss or in cultural settings for example. Luckily, an ENFJ typically moves on quickly, so embarrassing moments are soon things of the past. If you want to be that good friend, laugh it out. Get over your shock, then deal with them with understanding. Even when they just asked their boss why she does not shave off her facial hair. Yup! LOL. Don’t criticize them. Also remember that it is the same rawness that helps people open up to your ENFJ. By the way, get used to us oversharing in attempt to help people with whatever we think they need to hear.

You are welcome!

Thank you for loving us anyway. If we make it a goal to imitate God through the help of The Holy Spirit to love beyond what we feel, with grace and  understanding, we stand a better chance of having successful fulfilling Relationships. His way is the best way. #BeYou!   #TheEpicChristianLife  #OucheaWithZibah

 

 

HOW TO SHOW LOVE TO YOUR ENFJ ; Part 1

Congratulations! When it comes to having an ENFJ anything, friend or lover, consider yourself blessed out of your socks! Both ENFJ female & male define themselves by the closeness & authenticity of their relationships. Their intense feeling intuition is expressed outwardly (extroversion) with utmost genuineness and a deep desire to get to know you better.  They love love. Like i said, congratulations.

If you have no clue, or suspect that  your ‘target’ is an ENFJ, take this Meyer Briggs’s 16 personality test to find out now. https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Everyone has a love language, and while constantly  failing to fill  your ENFJ’s love tank (or any personality type’s for that matter) maybe forgivable in the beginning , it unfortunately  does not serve the person, no matter how ‘sincerely  wrong’ you feel you were (sorry). Over time this will create resentment and feelings of not being appreciated. Instead, getting to really know them & acting uniquely towards them gets the job done.  It is God’s desire that we prosper in all areas including the area of our relationships. “Beloved, I pray you to prosper concerning all things and to be in good health, just as your soul prospers.” 3 John 1:2.  Therefore, the Holy Spirit is more than willing to guide you in growing meaningful connections (and heal you from past hurts that may be keeping you from giving the intimacy required to receive love, as He has done for me).

Yey! I am excited that you are reading this! Let’s hope that after going through the tips below, you will see opportunities of how you and your  ENFJ can grow closer. All the best!

  1. USE WORDS OF AFFIRMATION. ENFJs love words. Not just any words. Words that express how much we add to your life.  A guy I dated in the past once said to me, “Zibah, I don’t know how I could have made it through deciding which career path to take, had it not been for you in my life”.  Those words are as golden as the day they were said!  An ENFJ will appreciate a hand written birthday card/letter more than the gift that comes with it, random appreciation texts and sticky note messages. So, if you want to buy a gift for an ENFJ friend or partner, just remember to also use words. That my friend , is the highlight of your presentation.
  1. AVOID CRITICISM. Yes Susan, everyone dislikes negative criticism, however an ENFJ will often take it as a personal attack. Your ENFJ will never stop being sensitive to criticism. So, NO, it’s not your calling to make them ‘develop a thick skin’. Avoid describing them, but do give feedback to their bad behavior in a subjective manner, a healthy ENFJ  will always do the same for you. If you must give feedback/ correct a wrong, please reassure them that you know it is not part of who they truly are, and that you can see their good intentions (we often need to hear this). Avoid phrases  like ‘OMG, you are so defensive’. To an ENFJ, this does not separate who they are from what they did. Focus on the behavior vs. describing them.

Check out my next blog post- HOW TO LOVE YOUR ENFJ Part 2- to see my next three other tips on how to give love in a way an ENFJ will appreciate.

If we make it a goal to imitate God through the help of The Holy Spirit, to love beyond what we feel, with grace and  understanding, we stand a better chance of having successful fulfilling relationships. His way is the best way. #BeYou!   #TheEpicChristianLife  #OucheaWithZibah

 

Let’s talk about sex baby!

 I  suppose  the title did what it was tasked to do- help pull you in. I am a marketer by qualification, also, I am not shy to run the risk of people thinking I’m a little crazy-silly (because sometimes I am, so there is really no reputation lost there). Since you are here, we might as well talk about it-SEX.

It’s OK, you  want to know about my (nonexistent) sex life. So, let’s get comfortable with this uncomfortable situation I have dragged you into. Be warned however, that you will be uplifted by this content & you run a high risk of having your honesty levels in your personal relationship with Jesus Christ shoot to level one hundred thousand.

My body needs sex, some weeks more than others. Depending on my menstrual cycle, work-load aka stress levels (this is normal right?), and I am also convinced that spending time with in-love couples contributes to my appetite for sex. Anyway, if you are waiting ’till marriage to have sex, especially  if it’s secondary abstinence (like with myself) you are most likely to have times of  feeling sexual pressure as well. However, I am not willing to give my body what it wants yet. I am always prepared however to have a respectful conversation with it and say, “body, I respect your needs, but we will not die, we shall live life the way I dictate, and I dictate that Christ is Lord over this body. End of discussion. Bye!”. OK, i know, easier said than done, that is exactly why we need helpful tips on how to abstain successfully. Now you know why you are really here!

Below i have shared with you a few principles and tips that I believe in and live by which may  help manage a sexual appetite of one waiting for marriage to have sex (however long that will be-yikes!):

  1. Acknowledge your appetite for sex, but place the Word of God above it– Instead of feeling bad that i am a sexual being, I have a habit of  sometimes praising God for my sexual nature. When i’m feeling ‘some typa-way’ , i praise him for that sexual desire (get over yourself, a healthy non-induced sexual desire is not from the devil). I thank Him that I am healthy and tell Him that I look forward to a  growing sex life with my husband. Stop judging me & try it! It takes the focus away from what your body wants to who God is-An understanding Father who loves to answer prayers.
  2. Have a game plan.Decide before you get turned on what you will do when you are. To abstain or not to abstain? To obey the Word or not to obey God? To practice patience, self-control (looooong suffering, LOL) or not? DECIDE! My advise, choose life. Choose God’s way and do not delay your destiny. Good. Now stick to that  decision to flee from sexual sin  when you are feeling ‘hot’ even if “nobody is watching”.
  3. Study your body. When you get wisdom on how your body works, you will for instance know when to maximize on “fleeing” from certain people or places! I personally stay away from guys who give ‘funny hugs’.  Not law, just me. There is just something about being held that makes me want to be more vulnerable. So i side hug those kind of guys (especially those i am physically attracted to.Oh!the irony).Basically know what usually increases your unique appetite for sex and stay far far away! (unique because we have varied libido based on biological, psychological & social factors).
  4. I like you. You made it to number four:  Be honest (with God) .Talk to God about sex. I sometimes say to Him when I feel like I need some of that horizontal shuffling, “really Dad?”. It’s an inside joke, literally. Get it? Inside, Holy spirit-inside joke?  Anyway, we talk about loads more: my expectations, fear of rejection in this area, my past experiences (secondary abstinence remember?) and whatever else in between. He is the coolest Dad (and He just asked me to type this last sentence,LOL).

Now let’s land.  You may not be in right standing with God right now. At some point I was not either. Jesus saved me & gave me different desires. Stop beating yourself up, Jesus loves you. His love is unconditional & is for all. He is ready to forgive you for your sins and  He desires an intimate relationship with you, where you can hear & be lead by His voice. Sin on the other hand pulls us away from that intimacy, and no amounts of sex can substitute for it.

Prayer: “Lord I surrender my sexual life to you. I give you my life and my singleness. I ask that you direct my steps, please give me wisdom and an opportunity to understand your will for my sexual nature. I want to please you above all things, so please help me  do so even when I least feel like it. Jesus you are Lord and you have been raised from the dead to give me a full life. Amen”

You will not die, you shall live!

Its a wrap! I wrote all i needed to. Keep well and enjoy #TheEpicChristianLife #BeYou #OucheaWithZibah